Living unconditionally

Sometimes I say things to people that I really need to say to myself.

It's so frustrating.

The other day in conversation, my friend Amanda and I were offering tidbits of advice to our friend Laz. He began firing back with phrases that began with "What if this?" and "What if that?" Finally I said to him, "Stop thinking so conditionally," at which point Amanda reminded me that perhaps I should be saying that same thing to myself.

I hate those kinds of true statements.

I started thinking about that later, and she's right. Sometimes I really do live in the conditional tense. Whether it's worrying about things that may or may not ever happen or justifying actions or inactions, sometimes I let simple possibilities dictate how I live. And that is not what I want by any means.

Because that's not a bold way of living.

I used to be really bad about conditionals, especially when it came to guys. What if I try to talk to him, but he doesn't want to talk to me? If I say hello to him, then he could find out I have a crush on him. If I don't go on a date before I graduate college, then I am never getting married. (Yes, if you're wondering, I do realize how ridiculous I am at times.)

Now I just don't care.

But, I've noticed other areas of my life in which conditional living often occurs. What if I take this risk, and something bad happens? If my foot isn't better soon, I will probably never race again. What if I don't accomplish every task written in my planner today? But I think it's time to throw the conditional out the window.

To love unconditionally means to love without limits or stipulations. If I truly let love direct the way I live my life, then it should be an unconditional love and, thus, an unconditional way of living. (And, yes, I do realize I just used a conditional statement there.) I want to live without limits or stipulations.

When you constantly live in the conditional, you're much less likely to take risks, which could mean  missing out on so many good things. I mean, so what if a little rejection happens in your life? It's often those big chances you take that make you become the person you're meant to be, regardless of whether or not those chances end up the way you originally desired. It's worth it.

One day last week, one of my classes was being really bad, and the students were not saying nice things to one another. We were in the middle of an assignment, but I suddenly had a decision to make. At first, I thought, What if they don't finish this assignment? But then I realized how little that mattered in the grand scheme of things. They didn't need an academic lesson right then—they needed some life lessons and character growth.

So we sat in a circle at the front of the classroom like elementary children.

I made everyone go around the circle and say one nice thing about the person to the left. At first the kids groaned, but by the end they all seemed happy and had enjoyed sharing with one another. And, honestly, I wasn't concerned that we hadn't finished the previous assignment. What we had done was much more important and had more lasting value.

I like the idea of getting rid of the "if" mindset. We don't know what's going to happen in any future moment, so there's no need to try to predict it or worry about it. Instead of thinking about all that could or could not happen, why not just go for it?

Fly or fall, the risk is worth it.

Covered

There are certain moments in life when you know without at doubt that Someone is truly watching over you.

Especially in times when you feel completely helpless and alone.

One morning last week, I was running just like I do almost every morning on a route that I've run plenty of times. I'm always very aware of my surroundings, but I haven't been in many situations where I thought my safety—or my life—was at risk.

Until that day.

I crossed a street where a car was at a light in a lane to go straight, but then I noticed that same car drove past me on the road I had continued on, which meant the driver had diverted his path and turned rather than gone straight. He then turned right on a side street up ahead, which gave me an anxious feeling in my stomach. I was on my way back home and really didn't have a different way to go, and I was hoping he had continued driving on the street he had turned on—but I was very nervous that wasn't the case.

And, unfortunately, it wasn't.

As I started to run past that street, I saw his parked car in my peripheral vision, and a man was walking toward the corner of the street. He suddenly spoke to me: "Excuse me! Do you see this?!" Instinctively, I turned and looked and saw that he was holding a gun. He asked me again, this time more forcefully, "DO YOU SEE THIS??!" I said, "No," and then did the only thing I could think to do: ran like hell. I couldn't turn onto any of the side streets, because that would be almost walking into a trap, as they are all poorly lit and seemed like very unsafe options knowing he could navigate through them easily. I crossed the street and started running in somewhat of a zigzag pattern, wondering if I was about to feel a bullet fire through my back.

But then I felt this strange reassurance that said, Just keep running. I've got you covered.

And so I ran probably faster than I've ever run in my entire life. I don't think that man actually wanted to shoot me, though. I think he wanted to scare me and figured I would freeze when I saw the gun. Then he could do whatever he wanted with me. Thank God that didn't happen.

Even though I reported the situation to the police (who claimed they would monitor the area better), I've developed a certain hesitation anytime I step outside to run now. And my fear isn't in dying—it's in being taken advantage of and losing a piece of my innocence that has become so sacred to me. It's not something I want someone to steal from me. But I also don't want to live in fear, and I don't plan on doing so. Even though I've had nightmares every night since this happened, I know that was a moment in my life when God showed up in a BIG way. And that in itself is a reminder that we don't need to fear. Will bad things happen in life? Yes. But we don't have to be afraid, because God's got us covered.

I think the man with the gun had seen an easy target in a small woman running by herself in the early morning hours when there was absolutely no one else in sight. What he didn't factor in was the One who isn't actually seen. I'm thankful he wasn't able to take my life or my purity that day, and I hope he's never successful with anyone else in that regard.

I know my nightmares won't last forever, and I know the anxiety I've felt lately won't always be this high. I will certainly be cautious and aware, but I will not be fearful.

Because I know these words are forever engrained on my heart: I've got you covered.

You don't have to win to win

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't a winner simply because you've never stood on a podium.

You're a winner and so much more.

For the past few weeks, I've been watching the show "Master Chef Junior," not because I have any interest in cooking—we all know how horrible I am in that department—but because my friend's precious daughter (whom I used to babysit years ago) was one of the contestants. It was so exciting to see her on there not only because it's always neat to see someone you know on television but also because she is so extremely knowledgeable and talented. Seriously, some of the things she talked about when describing the dishes she made blew my mind, and I didn't understand most of it.

Last week, however, sweet Ryan Kate was sent home from the show when the judges announced the two contestants who were not advancing to the next round. It was so heartbreaking. As I sat there watching, I was getting rather upset with the judges—how could they be sending her home?? Do they not recognize true genius when they see it? I was thinking about a few of the other kids on the show who probably should have gone home, instead, but the call wasn't up to me.

What was most surprising and impressive to me was the way Ryan Kate handled it. She's a sixth grader but honestly acted more maturely in that situation than many adults would have. She had this admirable look of bravery on her face as she listened to the judges reasoning, and then, rather than getting emotional herself, she turned to the little boy next to her who was also going home and obviously upset about it, and she hugged and comforted him.

Ryan Kate may not have won the title of Master Chef Junior, but she's already a winner in so many more important ways.

I think a lot of times in life we focus so much on prizes and titles and accolades that we forget that none of that even matters in the end. We can't take any of that stuff with us. Do I love competing? Yes. Do I want to win when I step onto a starting line or field or court? Absolutely. But is there lasting value in those victories? No.

The real winners at my races

It makes me think of 1 Corinthians 9:24-25, which says, "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize." While there is nothing wrong with training hard for a sport you love and dedicating time and energy to it, the real importance is the training for the way you live your life and the way you love others, because that's what has eternal value. It's OK not to win everything, because there are often sweet lessons in those losses.

Pete Sampras didn't win every tennis title he contended for, but I don't think anyone can question how great of a player he was; the Michael Jordan Chicago Bulls didn't win a championship every year he was on the team (though they sure did win a lot), but we can probably all agree that they were winners; Russell Wilson just lost the Super Bowl on his interception, but if you see the way he conducts himself after either a win or a loss, you know he's a true winner; my friend Dawn wins most of the races she runs, but when she doesn't the class and attitude she has afterward show what a winner she is—especially now that she is setting an example for so many young girls she leads in her youth running program; my sister still plays on a couple of recreational soccer teams, and she doesn't win every game or championship, but she knows that it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things—she's there to build relationships with others and enjoy doing what she loves.

It's refreshing to see strong character and people doing things they love—and how they handle adversity thrown their way. Life is full of so many lessons and experiences to help us grow, but we have to be willing to let those moments develop us into the individuals we are meant to be.

Your accomplishments don't define you. You could never win a single medal or award in your entire life and still be a winner.

As long as you let love win.

As you are

You have to be careful with mirrors.

Because they don't always tell the truth.

Last week, a student walked into my classroom before school for tutorials one morning, and the first thing she said to me was, "Merrill, please don't look at me. I don't have any makeup on." This isn't the first time I've heard someone say something similar to this, and I just don't get it. I don't understand why girls and women feel like they have to be wearing makeup in order for their appearances to be presentable.

That belief is completely false.

I'm not going to say that there is anything wrong with makeup. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not fun and useful for other people. But, I do have a problem with women not feeling like they are beautiful enough when they don't have any on. Looking different doesn't mean looking ugly.

A few years ago, one of my coworkers was selling Mary Kay products on the side, and she invited me to an event of some sort. I really didn't want to go, but she asked me about it more than once, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to support her endeavors for one evening. I hadn't realized that everyone in attendance would be applying makeup and learning various techniques, such as something called "smoky eyes" that I still can't comprehensively explain. At one point, the woman leading the demonstration came over to me with a concerned look on her face. I let her know that I never wear makeup and don't even know how to put it on, and she frowned a little and said, "You should probably go wash your face off and come back and start over again." I went to the restroom, washed my face off, then went home.

Prior to when we had actually started trying to make "smoky eyes" and whatnot, I had looked around the room at all of the women there with me. Each one was so different and so unique in her own way. They all looked like they already knew how to put on makeup, because from what I could tell they were all already wearing it, but I'll bet you anything that they would all look fine without it.

I just wish they all knew that.

Baby, you're a firework

One woman who had been sitting next to me was rather shocked when she heard me tell the other woman that I didn't know how to put on makeup. She told me that she could never be brave enough to go out in public with her face "undone" and that I am lucky that I don't need it—but I'm not lucky at all, because no one actually needs it. A lot of women don't realize how pretty they are naturally simply because they are so used to wearing makeup. No makeup doesn't mean ugly—it means different but still just as lovely. Most guys don't wear makeup, and we don't suggest that they need to. So why do women feel like they have to wear it to look their bests?

In the great 2004 movie A Cinderella Story (which somehow got left out of Oscar contention), Sam (Hilary Duff) is afraid to reveal her true identity to Austin (Chad Michael Murray), because he is one of the popular kids, and she is not. Sam is afraid that who she is simply isn't good enough for Austin. But, at the end of the movie, she finds a new boldness and stands up for herself, and Austin realizes he loves the real Sam. She didn't need to be wearing her mask and in an extravagant gown to catch his eye again—she was enough as she was. (I apologize if I just ruined the entire movie for you. You should still watch it.)

And you are enough as you are.

I love Colbie Caillat's song "Try." If you have a few minutes, you should listen to it and watch the video. It contains such a wonderful message that so many of us, man or woman, need to hear. You don't have to look a certain way to feel valued. It's OK if you like to get dressed up or wear makeup, but it's also just as acceptable to be seen when you aren't looking like you just stepped out of a magazine ad. The people who matter in your life are going to love you regardless of what you look like, and you should love yourself just the same. I think everyone is beautiful without makeup.

At the end of the day, you have to take makeup off, anyway. There's nothing wrong with wearing it, but don't be afraid to be without it. You can feel confident and beautiful with makeup, but you can also feel confident and beautiful without makeup. Either way, it doesn't change the individual you are.

Because you are enough as you are.