A beautiful day, indeed

I've learned how important it is not to take people for granted.

Especially family.

I know I have talked about how wonderful my mom is before, but today is her birthday, so I'm doing it again—and I'm not sorry about it.

One thing I've realized about my mom is that she is one of the reasons I love love so much, because she is a true model of what real love is and what real love does. I didn't always pay attention like I should as a kid, because I was too busy worrying about the things I thought were the most important things in the world. And, sadly, none of those things even matter anymore.

Happy birthday, Mom!

When we were growing up, my mom worked at a preschool for many years. At one point, we only had one family car, and so my mom rode her bike to work almost every single day. During those years, she worked some part-time jobs, too, all to ensure that we could take part in all of the activities we wanted to and have everything we needed without having to worry about not being able to afford them. Then she went back to school and not only earned her bachelor's degree but got a master's, as well. (After I started teaching, I went back and took night classes to get my master's. I cannot even imagine doing that while also having to take care of three kids and be a wife. I have no idea how she did that—and never once complained.) I will always remember the smile on her face when she walked across that graduation stage, and I think her joy was found more in her family being there rather than a diploma she was receiving.

She's now a kindergarten teacher, and I truly believe it takes a very special person to be able to do that job every day. And my mom is the perfect person for it. Her patience is something I strive to achieve in my own life but usually fail. I mean, I've never seen her be mean to anyone. Ever. She just really gets what life is about, and she never lets pride get in the way of treating people kindly.

I'll never forget when I was a sophomore in college and had to go to the hospital for pancreatitis. I didn't let my roommate call my parents until I knew it was something serious, and I think she ended up calling them when I was drugged up with IV pain meds and not aware of anything that was going on around me. Before I knew it, my mom and sister were suddenly in my room at 2 a.m. or some ridiculous time like that. They had driven the three hours late at night simply because they cared. My sister ended up catching a ride home with a family friend the next day, because she had to go back to school, but my mom stayed with me for all four or five days that I was there. She always made sure the nurses were in my room the instant I needed them, and she even slept on some tiny, uncomfortable chair the first couple of nights until the hospital provided a bed for her. But she wasn't even worried about any of that, because I don't think she even knows how to put herself before anyone else—she always thinks of others first. Always.

I know moms often make sacrifices for their kids, but there were so many, and she never once acted like she was inconvenienced. And when she forgives, she forgives completely and never ever brings up the wrongs again. She also has so much strength and determination and never believes when people tell her something can't be done—she's full of too much hope for that.

She's also taught me so much about staying young at heart. She's the type of person who will climb trees with you, go on froyo dates with you, skydive with you (she did so with my brother), watch Gilmore Girls or One Tree Hill with you, dance with you (she owns the dance floor), be part of the Boot Scarf Club with you, take selfies with you, and wave dive in the ocean with you like you're little kids. She loves to enjoy life with the people she loves—and her genuine joy is contagious.

I could go on and on about this woman and her beautiful heart. There are so many things about her that I try to make sure are reflected in me. She makes it look so easy, though. How is it that in the 30 years I've been on this earth I've never heard her say one bad thing about anyone? It's because she always lets love win.

And, on her birthday, I can't help but quote this woman and mean it will all of my heart: "It's a beautiful day!"

Girl power (or something like that)

We should be thankful for women like Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks, Sally Ride, Florence Nightingale, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, Billie Jean King, Oprah and so many more.

But we should also be thankful for the women whose names we don't know.

Yesterday was International Women's Day, a celebration that I didn't really know existed. Apparently it's been around since the beginning of the 1900s, though. While it is more of a recognition of the achievements women have made socially, politically and economically, it made me think more about why women should feel special simply for being the individuals they are rather than the things they've done over the years.

After all, not to pull the princess card, but we are daughters of the King.

There are two women in my life who have impacted me in more ways than I could ever actually explain: my mom and my sister. My mom is the most genuine and caring person you will ever meet. She is the epitome of what love is. She doesn't know how to say mean things about people, and she doesn't even have the desire to. And she's a fighter. She never gets discouraged when people shoot her down; instead, she just stands right back up and tries again. She never stops trying.

The best

My sister is a complete Godsend to the world. She is always there for me. She will drop everything when I need her—whether it's to drive with me to Tennessee, sit with me in a hospital room or wake up at a ridiculous time (for her, anyway) to come cheer me on at a race. And that is only a small list of things. She is more selfless than I've ever known how to be, and she never changes who she is for anyone or anything. She's a gem and the one person I can never stay upset with for long at all. I cherish every moment I get with her, because she makes absolutely every moment count.

I think women are so much more than many of them allow themselves to be. I wish I didn't see so many young women and even adult women trying to change who they are to try to please others. You were uniquely made to be you for a reason—so don't walk away from that. This is what I would like to say to all women if I were able to speak to all of them at once:

You are valued. Sometimes you will hear about lists that rank people's net worths—especially when they're in the billions. Guess what? None of that matters. And you are worth more than that—but not in a financial sense. Don't ever feel like you have to prove your worth to anyone, and don't ever settle for anyone or anything. You are too valued, and your heart is too valuable.

You are loved. There might be times in life when you feel all alone and not truly cared for in this world. Please don't listen to that voice telling you that you aren't good enough. There is One who loves you like no one ever can or will. Listen to His voice—it will never steer you wrong. And there are people who genuinely love you unconditionally. Your time line of love and what you originally thought would happen might not happen as you planned, and it might not happen at all—and that's OK. Your sufficiency and who you are cannot be found in other people. And you know what? If you stay single forever, you'll be fine. Your relationship status doesn't define you, and it certainly doesn't determine whether or not you're loved.

You matter. Every single person in this world has importance and has the ability to make an impact. And you are no exception. You are not frail; you are not the weaker gender; you shouldn't be used or treated as an object; you shouldn't be silenced; you don't deserve discouragement; you don't deserve abuse; you don't have to look a certain way or hang with a certain crowd; and you don't have to try to be anyone else but you. You were created with purpose—don't be afraid to embrace your uniqueness.

I'm glad women have a day to celebrate some major historical milestones, and I don't want to diminish any of those achievements, but I hope we don't forget to celebrate the everyday individuality of one another. No, we don't need to be egocentric or over-complimentary of each other, but we need to remember that who we are is even more important than what we accomplish.

Because what's in the heart is more powerful than what's in the bank.

Because we don't live in Neverland

No, we cannot live in an imaginary world with Peter Pan, win battles against Captain Hook, and never become real adults, but that doesn't mean we can't sometimes act like kids again.

I still color in coloring books—judge me all you want.

I recently gave my students a journal topic that had me thinking, as well. Are you afraid of growing up? Explain why or why not.

Of course it was interesting to get all of the different perspectives of teenagers, because they actually have a lot more wisdom and insight than people often give them credit for. As I anticipated, many of them are apprehensive because of that one thing that adults are supposed to have: responsibility. But one answer really stood out to me and made me think quite a bit: I'm afraid of getting so caught up in work and other real world stuff that I forget who I really am.

Wow.

Grow up, but don't grow up

To me, what's so scary about that statement is how easy it is for it to become true. Sometimes life becomes so full of tasks and goals and ambitions that we lose ourselves in "stuff" and forget how to enjoy just being us. When you're a kid, you don't have as many worries and concerns, and you just do what you want when you want. You play soccer at recess without stressing about the spelling test you just bombed; you climb trees in your neighbor's yard without worrying about the grumpy woman who lives there yelling at you to get down; you wear whatever you want without really caring about what it looks like to other people; you don't know the words "gluten" or "organic" and certainly don't care what they mean; you simply ask people for the things you want or need without concern about what responses they will give you; you tell people you love them and mean it, because you don't question the things you feel in your heart; you believe in things with an innocent faith without needing any scientific proof; you tell the truth more often than you probably will at any other point in your life; and you act like you all of the time (even when you're pretending to be a superhero), because that is the only person you know how to be.

And then you grow up, and things change.

But what if they didn't have to? I know that being an adult carries with it a lot more responsibilities and stresses that you don't have as a child, but what if we still let ourselves live a little? What if we still let ourselves have those moments when we throw all of our cares out the unwashed window to do the things we really want to do? Sing that song out loud; dance; splash in those puddles; eat that cookie; tell that guy you think he's cute; climb that tree in the middle of the park; take that art class you've been hearing so much about; say "I love you" with no hesitation or regrets; go out in public even if you think you look disheveled; have the fruit snacks with the high fructose corn syrup; be the you you want to be--and never forget who that person is.

I know there are bills to pay, I know there is work to be completed, and I know there are a countless amount of things I have to do in life that are necessary in this thing called adulthood. But I also know that there are relationships to build, joy to have, and love to spread.

And I hope we all remember which list is more important.

Living unconditionally

Sometimes I say things to people that I really need to say to myself.

It's so frustrating.

The other day in conversation, my friend Amanda and I were offering tidbits of advice to our friend Laz. He began firing back with phrases that began with "What if this?" and "What if that?" Finally I said to him, "Stop thinking so conditionally," at which point Amanda reminded me that perhaps I should be saying that same thing to myself.

I hate those kinds of true statements.

I started thinking about that later, and she's right. Sometimes I really do live in the conditional tense. Whether it's worrying about things that may or may not ever happen or justifying actions or inactions, sometimes I let simple possibilities dictate how I live. And that is not what I want by any means.

Because that's not a bold way of living.

I used to be really bad about conditionals, especially when it came to guys. What if I try to talk to him, but he doesn't want to talk to me? If I say hello to him, then he could find out I have a crush on him. If I don't go on a date before I graduate college, then I am never getting married. (Yes, if you're wondering, I do realize how ridiculous I am at times.)

Now I just don't care.

But, I've noticed other areas of my life in which conditional living often occurs. What if I take this risk, and something bad happens? If my foot isn't better soon, I will probably never race again. What if I don't accomplish every task written in my planner today? But I think it's time to throw the conditional out the window.

To love unconditionally means to love without limits or stipulations. If I truly let love direct the way I live my life, then it should be an unconditional love and, thus, an unconditional way of living. (And, yes, I do realize I just used a conditional statement there.) I want to live without limits or stipulations.

When you constantly live in the conditional, you're much less likely to take risks, which could mean  missing out on so many good things. I mean, so what if a little rejection happens in your life? It's often those big chances you take that make you become the person you're meant to be, regardless of whether or not those chances end up the way you originally desired. It's worth it.

One day last week, one of my classes was being really bad, and the students were not saying nice things to one another. We were in the middle of an assignment, but I suddenly had a decision to make. At first, I thought, What if they don't finish this assignment? But then I realized how little that mattered in the grand scheme of things. They didn't need an academic lesson right then—they needed some life lessons and character growth.

So we sat in a circle at the front of the classroom like elementary children.

I made everyone go around the circle and say one nice thing about the person to the left. At first the kids groaned, but by the end they all seemed happy and had enjoyed sharing with one another. And, honestly, I wasn't concerned that we hadn't finished the previous assignment. What we had done was much more important and had more lasting value.

I like the idea of getting rid of the "if" mindset. We don't know what's going to happen in any future moment, so there's no need to try to predict it or worry about it. Instead of thinking about all that could or could not happen, why not just go for it?

Fly or fall, the risk is worth it.

Covered

There are certain moments in life when you know without at doubt that Someone is truly watching over you.

Especially in times when you feel completely helpless and alone.

One morning last week, I was running just like I do almost every morning on a route that I've run plenty of times. I'm always very aware of my surroundings, but I haven't been in many situations where I thought my safety—or my life—was at risk.

Until that day.

I crossed a street where a car was at a light in a lane to go straight, but then I noticed that same car drove past me on the road I had continued on, which meant the driver had diverted his path and turned rather than gone straight. He then turned right on a side street up ahead, which gave me an anxious feeling in my stomach. I was on my way back home and really didn't have a different way to go, and I was hoping he had continued driving on the street he had turned on—but I was very nervous that wasn't the case.

And, unfortunately, it wasn't.

As I started to run past that street, I saw his parked car in my peripheral vision, and a man was walking toward the corner of the street. He suddenly spoke to me: "Excuse me! Do you see this?!" Instinctively, I turned and looked and saw that he was holding a gun. He asked me again, this time more forcefully, "DO YOU SEE THIS??!" I said, "No," and then did the only thing I could think to do: ran like hell. I couldn't turn onto any of the side streets, because that would be almost walking into a trap, as they are all poorly lit and seemed like very unsafe options knowing he could navigate through them easily. I crossed the street and started running in somewhat of a zigzag pattern, wondering if I was about to feel a bullet fire through my back.

But then I felt this strange reassurance that said, Just keep running. I've got you covered.

And so I ran probably faster than I've ever run in my entire life. I don't think that man actually wanted to shoot me, though. I think he wanted to scare me and figured I would freeze when I saw the gun. Then he could do whatever he wanted with me. Thank God that didn't happen.

Even though I reported the situation to the police (who claimed they would monitor the area better), I've developed a certain hesitation anytime I step outside to run now. And my fear isn't in dying—it's in being taken advantage of and losing a piece of my innocence that has become so sacred to me. It's not something I want someone to steal from me. But I also don't want to live in fear, and I don't plan on doing so. Even though I've had nightmares every night since this happened, I know that was a moment in my life when God showed up in a BIG way. And that in itself is a reminder that we don't need to fear. Will bad things happen in life? Yes. But we don't have to be afraid, because God's got us covered.

I think the man with the gun had seen an easy target in a small woman running by herself in the early morning hours when there was absolutely no one else in sight. What he didn't factor in was the One who isn't actually seen. I'm thankful he wasn't able to take my life or my purity that day, and I hope he's never successful with anyone else in that regard.

I know my nightmares won't last forever, and I know the anxiety I've felt lately won't always be this high. I will certainly be cautious and aware, but I will not be fearful.

Because I know these words are forever engrained on my heart: I've got you covered.

You don't have to win to win

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't a winner simply because you've never stood on a podium.

You're a winner and so much more.

For the past few weeks, I've been watching the show "Master Chef Junior," not because I have any interest in cooking—we all know how horrible I am in that department—but because my friend's precious daughter (whom I used to babysit years ago) was one of the contestants. It was so exciting to see her on there not only because it's always neat to see someone you know on television but also because she is so extremely knowledgeable and talented. Seriously, some of the things she talked about when describing the dishes she made blew my mind, and I didn't understand most of it.

Last week, however, sweet Ryan Kate was sent home from the show when the judges announced the two contestants who were not advancing to the next round. It was so heartbreaking. As I sat there watching, I was getting rather upset with the judges—how could they be sending her home?? Do they not recognize true genius when they see it? I was thinking about a few of the other kids on the show who probably should have gone home, instead, but the call wasn't up to me.

What was most surprising and impressive to me was the way Ryan Kate handled it. She's a sixth grader but honestly acted more maturely in that situation than many adults would have. She had this admirable look of bravery on her face as she listened to the judges reasoning, and then, rather than getting emotional herself, she turned to the little boy next to her who was also going home and obviously upset about it, and she hugged and comforted him.

Ryan Kate may not have won the title of Master Chef Junior, but she's already a winner in so many more important ways.

I think a lot of times in life we focus so much on prizes and titles and accolades that we forget that none of that even matters in the end. We can't take any of that stuff with us. Do I love competing? Yes. Do I want to win when I step onto a starting line or field or court? Absolutely. But is there lasting value in those victories? No.

The real winners at my races

It makes me think of 1 Corinthians 9:24-25, which says, "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize." While there is nothing wrong with training hard for a sport you love and dedicating time and energy to it, the real importance is the training for the way you live your life and the way you love others, because that's what has eternal value. It's OK not to win everything, because there are often sweet lessons in those losses.

Pete Sampras didn't win every tennis title he contended for, but I don't think anyone can question how great of a player he was; the Michael Jordan Chicago Bulls didn't win a championship every year he was on the team (though they sure did win a lot), but we can probably all agree that they were winners; Russell Wilson just lost the Super Bowl on his interception, but if you see the way he conducts himself after either a win or a loss, you know he's a true winner; my friend Dawn wins most of the races she runs, but when she doesn't the class and attitude she has afterward show what a winner she is—especially now that she is setting an example for so many young girls she leads in her youth running program; my sister still plays on a couple of recreational soccer teams, and she doesn't win every game or championship, but she knows that it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things—she's there to build relationships with others and enjoy doing what she loves.

It's refreshing to see strong character and people doing things they love—and how they handle adversity thrown their way. Life is full of so many lessons and experiences to help us grow, but we have to be willing to let those moments develop us into the individuals we are meant to be.

Your accomplishments don't define you. You could never win a single medal or award in your entire life and still be a winner.

As long as you let love win.

As you are

You have to be careful with mirrors.

Because they don't always tell the truth.

Last week, a student walked into my classroom before school for tutorials one morning, and the first thing she said to me was, "Merrill, please don't look at me. I don't have any makeup on." This isn't the first time I've heard someone say something similar to this, and I just don't get it. I don't understand why girls and women feel like they have to be wearing makeup in order for their appearances to be presentable.

That belief is completely false.

I'm not going to say that there is anything wrong with makeup. Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not fun and useful for other people. But, I do have a problem with women not feeling like they are beautiful enough when they don't have any on. Looking different doesn't mean looking ugly.

A few years ago, one of my coworkers was selling Mary Kay products on the side, and she invited me to an event of some sort. I really didn't want to go, but she asked me about it more than once, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to support her endeavors for one evening. I hadn't realized that everyone in attendance would be applying makeup and learning various techniques, such as something called "smoky eyes" that I still can't comprehensively explain. At one point, the woman leading the demonstration came over to me with a concerned look on her face. I let her know that I never wear makeup and don't even know how to put it on, and she frowned a little and said, "You should probably go wash your face off and come back and start over again." I went to the restroom, washed my face off, then went home.

Prior to when we had actually started trying to make "smoky eyes" and whatnot, I had looked around the room at all of the women there with me. Each one was so different and so unique in her own way. They all looked like they already knew how to put on makeup, because from what I could tell they were all already wearing it, but I'll bet you anything that they would all look fine without it.

I just wish they all knew that.

Baby, you're a firework

One woman who had been sitting next to me was rather shocked when she heard me tell the other woman that I didn't know how to put on makeup. She told me that she could never be brave enough to go out in public with her face "undone" and that I am lucky that I don't need it—but I'm not lucky at all, because no one actually needs it. A lot of women don't realize how pretty they are naturally simply because they are so used to wearing makeup. No makeup doesn't mean ugly—it means different but still just as lovely. Most guys don't wear makeup, and we don't suggest that they need to. So why do women feel like they have to wear it to look their bests?

In the great 2004 movie A Cinderella Story (which somehow got left out of Oscar contention), Sam (Hilary Duff) is afraid to reveal her true identity to Austin (Chad Michael Murray), because he is one of the popular kids, and she is not. Sam is afraid that who she is simply isn't good enough for Austin. But, at the end of the movie, she finds a new boldness and stands up for herself, and Austin realizes he loves the real Sam. She didn't need to be wearing her mask and in an extravagant gown to catch his eye again—she was enough as she was. (I apologize if I just ruined the entire movie for you. You should still watch it.)

And you are enough as you are.

I love Colbie Caillat's song "Try." If you have a few minutes, you should listen to it and watch the video. It contains such a wonderful message that so many of us, man or woman, need to hear. You don't have to look a certain way to feel valued. It's OK if you like to get dressed up or wear makeup, but it's also just as acceptable to be seen when you aren't looking like you just stepped out of a magazine ad. The people who matter in your life are going to love you regardless of what you look like, and you should love yourself just the same. I think everyone is beautiful without makeup.

At the end of the day, you have to take makeup off, anyway. There's nothing wrong with wearing it, but don't be afraid to be without it. You can feel confident and beautiful with makeup, but you can also feel confident and beautiful without makeup. Either way, it doesn't change the individual you are.

Because you are enough as you are.