Hiding Behind a Smile

I think a smile can sometimes function as the best mask there is.

Sure, smiles are often completely genuine, but there are times when we use them to cover up pain and cover up truth. Just think about how many times you have seen someone who asks: "Hey, how are you doing?" and you respond with the expected: "I'm doing well, and you?" It happens to most people at least once a day, I would guess.

And it's not like the other person really anticipates you to say much beyond the politically correct reply. That's made pretty obvious in the fact that people frequently ask this only in passing and don't even slow down their paces to encourage anything other than peachy-keen updates.

But what would be the reaction if "Hey, how are you doing?" were followed by: "Well, actually, things kind of suck right now. I just lost my job, none of my relationships seem to be working out, and I just feel really lonely and helpless right now"? I imagine the person who inquired would regret doing so and feel rather awkward.

After all, it isn't the most normal thing in society for the truth to be so open and for people to make themselves so vulnerable. It makes more sense to put on a smile to mask the real emotions we are feeling.

The other day I was having lunch with a friend, and this question popped up. I said something along the lines of the fact that I was tired—which was nothing new—and how I was really glad to have a two-week vacation from work. When I asked her the same, she hesitated—looking as if she were about to give me the antiquated response—but then the truth came out: "Actually, things really suck right now, and I am so frustrated with so many things."

She went on to tell me about all the things that were going on in her life, and I think it really helped the both of us. It was good for her to vent and sort things out as she was telling me, and it was beneficial for me because it helped me get to know my friend even better, and I was able to add it to my prayer list.

I realize that she is already a close friend, so it is a little more natural for her to open up to me about everything going on in her life, but why can't we be that way with more people? Or why can't we, as the inquirers, expect more honest answers? How are we to get to know more people on deeper levels if we can't even spare a few minutes to listen to them and offer either encouraging words or simply an ear. Many times, just letting people say things aloud that have been bottled up for too long can be very freeing and helpful. Sometimes it feels better just to get things off our chests. Sometimes it feels better to wipe off a fake smile and reveal what's really written all over our faces.

So, the next time you ask someone in passing: "Hey, how are you doing?" you might try slowing down your stride just a bit in case that person really does have something to say other than: "I'm doing well, and you?" You might try looking beyond the smile to see if it's hiding pain.

For instance, if you were to see me tomorrow and ask me that question, my reply might be something like: "Well, I feel really let down. I know I should never let the Cowboys get my hopes too high, but they really disappointed me this season. It's as if they didn't even show up to play against the Eagles. Where was the heart? Where was the battle to make the playoffs? Where was the warrior mentality?"

Yes, I will move past this lost sooner or later, but just beware that if you ask me in the next few days how I am doing, I am not likely to say: "I'm doing well, and you?"

Right now, it's just too difficult to hide behind a smile and mask the heartache America's Team has caused me.