Loud isn't always bad

When I was a very young little girl, I was often accused of being too shy and quiet.

A lot has changed since then.

"That loud thing" around my neck
(I apologize for a selfie)

As I walked into church yesterday morning, I was greeted by two nice men, both of whom I've seen frequently welcoming people and holding the doors for them. I was a bit early and the only one entering, but they each swung open a door, so I remarked, "Oh, wow, I get two doors opened for me today!"

They both made kind remarks, but one of them ended with, "Well, I guess it must be because of that loud thing around your neck!"

I just laughed and said, "I love fun scarves."

As I listened to the message in church on following Jesus in the way we live our lives, one thing kept standing out to me: be loud. The pastor didn't use that exact wording, but he was talking about showing love to others, and I couldn't get the notion out of my head that the way we live should be loud like my scarf.

Because love should be loud.

When I was in sixth grade, I got quite a few detentions. Now, just to clarify, I am not a troublemaker. In fact, I get near-anxiety attacks if I think I'm breaking rules or getting in trouble for something. However, I tend to talk a lot, and the detentions I received were the result of not closing my mouth when I was supposed to. I guess I just had a lot to say, and my math teacher didn't always appreciate my need to express myself verbally. Apparently I was living a bit too loudly in math.

And in detention you weren't allowed to talk. At all. It was torturous, though I talked a lot in my head and narrated all that was going on around me kind of like people do in television shows. Unfortunately, though, there really wasn't a ton to discuss other than the boy next to me who was trying to pick apart a pencil with his hands, which were covered in the residue of the Doritos I had seen him eating right before we were ushered in to the walls of our punishment.

There was also the time I got a detention with the guy I had a huge crush on in middle school. I quickly found out that detention is not necessarily the best place to try to capture the attention of someone you wish were your sweet baboo. You can't talk to each other, and when he's so busy unsuccessfully trying to make his Snicker's wrapper into a triangle for paper football, you might begin to rethink how you'd like to spend your afternoons with after-school activities other than suffering. Yet I just couldn't seem to hold my tongue enough.

But I know there have been a lot of opportunities I've encountered in life where I had the choice to be loud in the name of love or to sit back and keep quiet. Sadly, I haven't always made the right decision in those instances. There weren't even detentions at risk, yet I didn't take advantage of opportunities to be loud for Jesus.

Living loudly like that doesn't mean making a huge spectacle of things—it simply means being bold and having fearless attitudes in the way we show love to people. Even some of the quietest people have huge actions that drown out the rambunctious noise flying in from all directions. I've read quotes from Mother Teresa, though I don't think I've ever actually heard any of her sound bites, and she seemed like she would have been a rather soft-spoken woman. But, man, her love sure was loud.

One quote of hers I've seen quite a bit is, "We can do no great things—only small things with great love." Not everyone is going to change the entire world, but you can change certain people's lives with love—and by doing so loudly.

Because great love is loud love.

I may find myself in situations where I talk too much or am asked to lower my voice, and I may have clothes that stand out because of their bold colors or the fact that I live by the motto, "Anything matches if you wear it with confidence," but those things don't really matter. What matters is that love is loud. And it's never too late if you've been shy and quiet in the past.

You might even smile as you think, "A lot has changed since then."

The missing pink feather

I once was slighted when I wanted a pink feather.

And I'm still waiting for the day I receive it.

When I was in kindergarten, one day we joined with all of the other classes and had a huge Thanksgiving feast in the hallway, and all of us were dressed as Native Americans. These precious outfits we wore were completed with feathers, which our teachers provided, on our paper head wraps. I was so excited to wear a pink feather on my head. My favorite color was pink—this was obviously before I discovered sea foam green—and it was rather discouraging to walk around all day with the wrong color defining, as I thought at the time, who I was.

But my teacher only had one feather in her hand, and when she came to me and heard me ask for pink gave me a red one, instead. She gave the pink one to the girl right after me in line, who also happened to be her favorite student. I felt a dagger go through my young heart.

I realize this was many years ago, but I was hurt so badly in that moment that it has stuck with me ever since. Why was I not special enough for the pink feather? Why was I forced to wear this fiery red one, instead of the beautiful and bright pink one? Though I adapted in the moment and didn't let the situation ruin the rest of my life, the painful memory is still there.

And I still haven't given up the hope that I will one day find my pink feather.

Since this whole kindergarten fiasco, I've encountered quite a few instances in life where I don't exactly get the things I want, especially when it comes to relationships. The guys I've had crushes on never seemed to feel the same way, and the ones who have shown interest in me didn't make my heart flutter. And, the very few times when there appeared to be mutual attractions, and it looked like something might happen, it didn't. And I was left with heartache.

Perhaps one day

And I felt like I'd been handed yet another red feather each time.

My 10-year high school reunion was Saturday, and I was suddenly reminded of just how differently the events of my life have gone than I thought they would when I daydreamed of what the future held after I walked that stage back in 2003. So many of my friends are married—many also with kids now—or are in serious relationships, which I suppose is to be expected at this stage in life. As I sat at a table, looking around the room and soaking in all that surrounded me, I decided I was thankful that I hadn't mistaken any of the red feathers in my life for the pink one. I'm still waiting for that one, and I'm fine with that.

I think God plants certain desires in our hearts for different reasons, and it's necessary to wait on His timing for those things to come to fruition. Obviously the wanted color of your feather at an elementary school Thanksgiving feast isn't pertinent to your overall joy in life, but there are specific longings of the heart that should not be compromised, especially if He's the one doing the prompting on your heart.

My sister worked in sales until she woke up to God's calling to become a teacher, and it's amazing how fast and perfectly things fell into place for her to get her first teaching job this year—pink feather; one of my best friends went through a huge and emotional heartache that somehow led her to the man who is now her husband—pink feather; a dear friend went through a very hurtful period following a miscarriage before God blessed her with the wonderful daughter she has now—pink feather; every single day, people wait in expectation on things that don't happen, because there are different plans in order for them that are the most beautiful pink feathers anyone could ever imagine.

I didn't get to eat corn and rolls and mashed potatoes with my hair in pigtails and a pink feather adorning my head when I was a young girl fascinated by a special color. But that's ok. Sometimes the pink feather you need doesn't come when you think it will.

But I'm still not giving up the hope that my pink feather is out there and will one day find its way to me.

As though no one is watching

It is almost always acceptable to dance.

Especially when you're in your own little world at a high school football game.

Last Friday, I filled in as the drill team director for my friend/co-worker and got to experience yet again all that embodies Friday Night Lights. I love attending sporting events, and I think it's fun to be surrounded by so much cheering and support from fans who adore their teams.

And I love seeing someone dance as if no one is watching.

I'm sure many people have heard the saying, "Dance as though no one is watching you; love as though you have never been hurt before; sing as though no one can hear you; live as though heaven is on earth." It was quite refreshing to be able to see someone living out the first part of that quote Friday night, and I think it's something I really needed to see.

God always places the right people in our lives when we need them most.

It was nearing the end of the game, and I was exhausted. It had been such a long and chaotic week, and all I really wanted was to be at home asleep in my bed. But that was hours away. I was trying to keep my spirits up, when I happened to glance over to a part of the stadium where there was absolutely no one in the bleachers. The band was playing, and there was a young girl all by herself dancing to the music. And, when I say dancing, I mean really dancing. She was so full of passion and carefree regard for anything around her that I just couldn't help but stop and take in this scene.

Just dance

It was beautiful.

I was reminded in that moment how important it is to find joy in every situation in life and how essential it is to dance when we need to dance. It doesn't matter what people think of you; it doesn't matter how silly you might look; it doesn't matter how much work you have waiting for you when you get home or go into the office next; it doesn't matter what bills you haven't paid yet; it doesn't matter what problems you haven't solved or stresses you haven't managed to assuage; it doesn't matter what loads of laundry haven't been done or what dishes haven't been washed; it doesn't matter that you have no idea where you're going or what you're ultimately doing in life.

All that matters is that you dance in that moment.

That little girl gets it—sometimes you just have to dance without worrying about everything going on around you. God provides those opportunities for us, and we need to take them. Life can't always be so serious and so focused on mundane things that ultimately don't matter once we leave this place. It also didn't matter one bit to her what anyone watching her thought. Who cares? If I thought she was ridiculous, she'd still keep dancing; if I thought she was awesome, she'd still keep dancing.

I hope she grows up to love just like she dances: wildly, boldly, and honestly.

I know I don't always dance enough, and I certainly don't always love enough. It's so easy to get caught up in our own anxieties and forget about what really matters: love. Work and chores and money and lack of money and unnecessary drama and traffic stresses and living situations and life changes and anger and sadness and self ambitions and a countless amount of other distractions constantly get in the way of us doing what we're actually supposed to do the most in life. But seeing someone dance as if no one else in the world were anywhere near is a great reminder of how we should be living.

Wildly, boldly, honestly.

Trust the system

I'm sure there are worse things in life than moving, but that list is likely quite short.

And full of misery.

Unfortunately, I've had to go through this process twice in the last three months. Thankfully, the most recent was much more successful than the last, which resulted in the flood I once shared with you. But, again, I learned some more lessons and a few things about people's characters.

My two friends Laz and Disco helped my dad and me complete the dreaded yet long-awaited move, and they certainly added to the entertainment factor. They are two of the funniest people you'll ever meet, but they also have two of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. They are genuinely nice people, regardless of how much they tease me or torture me with their "stanky leg" combo. (Don't ask.)

They are simply the definition of true friends.

I tried to help carry and move as much as I could, but they wouldn't let me do a whole lot. After they carried their first heavy item up the stairs together, Laz and Disco claimed they had the perfect system and that I was not to interfere with it. In fact, when I did try to carry something with either of them, they would say, "Don't ruin the system!"

Boys. Ugh.

But, I know they were just doing all of the work because, like I said, they have huge hearts and are always willing to help out when I need them. Well, that and the promise of free tacos. But mainly the big hearts thing.

He is OOC. Always.

One of the more memorable moments was when the two of them decided to carry my couch through the garage so they could take it up the ramp rather than the stairs. I went with them and tried to help multiple times, but each attempt was met with the response that I would be ruining the system. Even when Disco had to stop and have them set the couch down so he could give his arms a short rest, I was informed that this was simply part of the system: small breaks when needed, but outside interference was still not allowed. I have since found a faster route to my place through a different door in the garage, but they were insistent on going the way they did. So be it.

Obviously I wasn't able to do much except trust that they could carry it all without my help and that their system was flawless enough to get the job done.

Just like two guys have their set plan in moving heavy items to the second level of an apartment complex, God also has His own design for each of our lives—and He certainly doesn't need our help in ensuring that His system works well. We just have to sit back and trust that He knows what He's doing and that everything that needs to happen will happen at the exact moment it's supposed to occur. It may seem like it's taking too long—like taking a longer path up the garage ramp than directly up the stairs—but He doesn't exactly operate on the same clock that we do. So be it.

I think the world needs more people like Laz and Disco, not only to provide laughs and smiles when you don't even want them to happen but also to remind you to slow down and have a little faith. You can't always do everything yourself, and that's not a bad thing.

Don't ruin the system.