Like when you're in the middle of a karaoke performance.
Yesterday was Pentecost Sunday, and my church goes all out for this. I mean, we throw a kick-tail party. There were food trucks, face paintings, and a live karaoke band. While my go-to Taylor Swift song is obviously "Love Story," it wasn't on the list, but "You Belong With Me" was. Done deal.
If you've ever seen the music video for this song (if you haven't, you're really missing out, because it's flipping awesome), you know that Taylor Swift is this nerdish girl who is in love with her neighbor, but he's clearly with some girl who is not so nice, it seems. At the end of the video, Taylor arrives at a dance, stealing the show and the young man's heart, and it's basically a fairy tale ending.
It's everything my life has not been.
As I was singing this song in front of a bunch of people who might not have realized the Grammy caliber this performance held, I couldn't help but realize that I had thought these lyrics in my own words before they even existed. When I was in high school, I had a crush on a guy who was captivated by a girl who was not me. He was one of my friends, but I always felt like screaming, "Why can't you see you belong with me?!"
But he did not belong with me.
When I was in college, I found myself in a similar situation. I was really good friends with a guy for a few years, and we hung out all the time, but we were only friends. I was always "dreaming about the day when [he'd] wake up to find that what [he was] looking for had been here the whole time." But that never happened.
He did not belong with me, either.
Then there was most recently when a guy I thought might actually be different wasn't. He spent a lot of time leading me to believe he was, and I kept singing in my head, "think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me." Unfortunately, sometimes we so caught up in creating these ideals in our minds of what our lives should look like that we sometimes overlook reality. He turned out to be someone I wish I could forget.
He certainly did not belong with me.
I have had crushes on many guys throughout my life, but not one of them belonged with me. I never got the center-of-the-dance-floor-seal-it-with-a-kiss ending like in the music video, and that's OK. It may happen some day. But it also may not. I'm fine with either way. I will always still believe in fairy tales, regardless of if I ever live one myself.
The important thing I realized in this moment is how incredibly thankful I am that none of those individuals belonged with me. For whatever the reason—maybe my heart simply wasn't (or still isn't) ready yet—I haven't met my Prince Charming. They were all meant to be with other girls, and, though it did cause me at least one broken heart, I'm grateful things happened as they did.
I know it sounds weird to say all of these thoughts raced through my head while I was in the middle of a karaoke performance, but I have no explanation as to why epiphanies hit us when they do. (Thankfully I listen to Taylor Swift enough to know all of her songs by heart, so I didn't have to focus on the lyrics much.)
I do know one thing, though: I don't want to be a girl standing by and waiting at someone's back door saying, "All this time, how could you not know, baby, you belong with me?" I think that's one reason "Love Story" is my favorite song of all time—the guy just knows.
"This love is difficult, but it's real. Don't be afraid—we'll make it out of this mess. It's a love story, baby, just say, 'yes.'"
Perhaps some day I will be able to sing those lyrics. Or maybe I will just jam out to Beyoncé's "Single Ladies." But I'm not going to worry about it like I did in the past. My sufficiency isn't found in those guys, anyway—it's found in Someone much greater.
And He is someone who certainly lets me know I belong with Him.
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