The fairy tale life

I'm 26 years old, and I still believe in fairy tales.

No, I won't be putting on a sea-shelled bra and serenading a hunk on the shore, and I won't start talking to furniture and exploring forbidden wings of dark castles, but I'm not going to give up the belief that love can truly transform people and result in miracles.

I realize that I've never been in a relationship, so I can't quite speak from experience, but I've definitely talked to enough of my friends to know that my fairy tale dreams don't exactly occur in every situation. Apparently some people have to go through a few jerk faces to get to Prince Charming. I listened to one of my friends recently as she told me about a relationship that had just ended for her when she discovered the guy had been lying to her for three months. He had looked her directly in the eyes and simply lied about so many things. Clearly she is not going to be eating a bad apple and hoping for him to come around and kiss her so she will wake up anytime soon.

She is not the first to have this happen to her, and she certainly won't be the last. I mean, just listen to almost any Taylor Swift song, and you can probably relate. I don't understand how people can treat one another that way, and it's times like these where I wish everything really were like fairy tales. But, then I remember that even fairy tales have bad people in them—after all, how would Prince Charming seem so perfect if everyone around him were just as flawless?

One thing that's frustrating about not living in a fairy tale—besides not being able to bust out in song at random and have everything rhyme and make perfect sense—is that God's plan isn't always what Disney would write. I can think of numerous guys I thought were supposed to be the one with the glass slipper to fit my foot, but the Big Man had other ideas in mind. Looking back now, it's pretty clear why those didn't work out, though I certainly wasn't able to see (or care) at the time. I just couldn't understand why I was trapped in this ocean when obviously I was meant to be part of someone else's world.

Obviously not.

My parents: the epitome of love

I don't know if I will ever end up with a prince, because some people really are meant to be single forever (BLP=Be Like Paul), but I do know that fairy tales are being written every single day. This August, my parents—who got married straight out of high school—will celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary. While they don't get dressed with the help of birds, and neither has ever experienced the luxury of living in a castle or dancing in the finest gowns and suits, they know what love is. I can't ever think of a time during my entire lifetime when I questioned how my parents felt about each other. It is so apparent that they were made for one another, and there has never been a day when they doubted that love. Sure, their life together hasn't been perfect, and there haven't been singing mice and talking candlesticks, but I see a fairy tale when I look at them. Life's thrown its own Ursulas and poisoned apples at them, and they've overcome them all, because that's how fairy tales go—love always wins.

I think one of the greatest things of all is that we can all have fairy tale endings whether we find our princes or not. Jesus Christ is the greatest example of a fairy tale out there—someone who sacrificed himself and died for us so that we don't have to suffer eternally. Instead, we get to go be with our greatest Love when we leave this world.

Yes, I would love to find my Prince Charming here on earth and see sparks fly every time he walks into a room. But, even if this never happens, at least the Prince of Peace is always in my heart to let me know that I'm a princess in His eyes. 

My BAM sibs

Growing up, I definitely didn't always like my siblings.

Now, I don't know what I would do without them.

These are two people who can drive me so crazy yet keep me incredibly sane at the same time. And it cracks me up how different they are.

Family photo shoot!

My older brother is very ambitious and knows exactly what he wants. He is currently getting his MBA and hopes to run his own business one day. He is also somewhat of a planner and operates on a very strict schedule. In fact, when I call him and ask him to do things that haven't been on the calendar for at least a few days, I don't always get the results I prefer.

My younger sister, on the other hand, is still trying to figure things out. She pretty much just takes one day at a time, and she could probably live her whole life without a watch and not be concerned about the time. Now, this doesn't always make the Skipper too thrilled when we have to be somewhere at a certain time for a family event, but the runt doesn't let that disrupt her calm demeanor.

One thing that made me laugh earlier this week was the different attitudes each of them had towards to weather. My sister used to be paranoid about tornadoes and would constantly ask us if we thought a tornado was on the way, even if the sky had no clouds and not the slightest indication that bad weather was anywhere near us. So, Tuesday night when tornadoes actually were in the area, and updates were interrupting television programs, my sister called me to make sure I was OK and to check that I knew how to take cover if I needed to. She even made me call her every 10 minutes to ensure her that I was still alive. She also seemed to have some sort of plan ready if a twister invaded her home.

Then I decided to call my brother, who had grad class Tuesday night right in the center of where many of the storms were. When I talked to him, it was clear that he knew nothing about the weather conditions and really didn't care. A girl in his class gave him a ride to his car (he had parked rather far from campus), and she asked him if he had an umbrella. He told her no, but he was wearing a Dri-Fit shirt. When she asked him if he had heard or seen that it was going to rain, he let her know that this was the reason he was wearing a Dri-Fit shirt. Duh. Anyway, I told him about the tornadoes and how he was probably driving right into them. He told me that he would drive straight into the eye of the tornado if he saw it. Nothing can stop Chris Merrill.

My siblings can always keep me entertained, no matter where we are. I will never forget when I brother and I drove out to Fort Worth for my sister's 21st birthday. Even though Chris bought Stephanie her first shot, it was cute to see how much he took care of her the rest of the night. We also have a blast every Christmas Eve when my mom insists that all three of us come back and spend the night at our old house. We go out to dinner with our relatives that evening, then we attend an annual Christmas Eve party where we usually all feel awkward and can't wait to get home. So, to pass the time, we make fun of our parents. That's a bonding experience in itself.

I'm the only one who wanted to take this pic.

It's funny how much things change over the years. When we were younger, we used to play this game called Bonkers on my parents' bed. The goal was to be the last person on the bed and to throw everyone off of it. We also had boxing matches to settle arguments. It was as if everything we did had to end with an individual prevailing above the rest. Now, instead of trying to break apart, we are always trying to come together. It's not a competition anymore. In fact, when our lives become bonkers, we're trying to help each other back up rather than be the last man standing. I think we've all finally realized just how important family really is in life. It's not about winning the individual title—it's about surviving and triumphing together.

One thing that's always stayed true, though, is that we don't let anyone else bring one another down. We've always taken up for each other, and this still hasn't changed. If any guy were to break my heart, I know my brother would want to rip him to pieces (after Skipper, of course). And Stephanie would have some choice words, as well. That girl is full of sass that unfailingly brings a smile to my heart.

I can't effectively put into words just how much my siblings mean to me. There were times when I was younger when I regretted not being an only child. If that were the case, my life definitely wouldn't be what it is today. Chris and Steph have helped make me who I am, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

As little kids, we constantly were outside in the street in front of our house. The street would have been empty if those two weren't there with me, even if all of the neighbor kids were out there, too. We paved that street together.

Now, even though we don't live on the same street, it's comforting to know that we are still paving the streets of our own individual lives together.

Into the rush

There's nothing wrong with holding your nose before you jump into a pool.

I remember when I was growing up, my family used to go to a somewhat local community outdoor pool that had a 5M diving platform. It was always a rush to jump from that thing, and for some reason I could only do it if I knew for sure that my parents were watching me. My brother, though, always made fun of me because I couldn't seem to make the leap without first holding my nose lest water should invade my nostrils and cause that burning pain that lingered for hours (slight time exaggeration). I, however, found it extremely necessary, and—even though I wanted to do everything my brother did—this was one exception I had to make. I even tried a few times to jump without my hand glued to my nose, but those fingers always managed to cover it just seconds before I hit the water. Whew!

One thing I've learned in life is that it's OK to take the safe route sometimes. We don't always have to jump in head first at full-throttle speed. I mean, I'm even one of those people who usually eases into the pool in super slow-mo when I think the water is too cold instead of just taking the path of the maniac and running and plunging into the iciness (probably another slight hyperbole, considering where I live). The point is that gradual is the better idea on various occasions.

Most recently, I have valued this lesson when it comes to running. I've been out for six weeks with a fractured hip, and Monday marked the first day I was able to try a run. Of course, the doctor told me to "take it easy" and that I needed to stay on soft surfaces, so I made a plan to run a mile on a track near my home. A mile—whoop-dee-doo. I definitely had a little devil Natalie on my shoulder encouraging me to keep going after those four laps—"You can go another four so easily"—but I knew that this was one of those things where I had to follow the rules and ease back into running. I can't just jump straight from the platform without holding my nose. The pain in this case would be a lot worse than a bit of rushing water in my nose.

I'm not going to lie—being patient sometimes just plain sucks. I can't really think of a better word right now, so we will leave it at that. When it comes to running, I would rather not hold my nose; I prefer to be running many more miles than one. Granted, I did go 1.5 yesterday morning—holla! As Miley Cyrus once wisely pointed out to us, it's all about the climb.

Life is full of opportunities to jump without holding your nose. I think the wisdom comes in knowing when to do so and when to play things with caution. Sometimes it's definitely better to take a few big risks; others, you would be foolish. I will admit right now that I often mix up the two—I want to be risky, but I take the safe road; I know I should walk on my tippy toes, yet I take off at full speed without a helmet.

At least I know it was OK to hold my nose before jumping into this pool.

Some unhighlighted things

I honestly don’t know why I even bother owning a planner.

I mean, sure, it’s good for me to keep track of various things I have lined up, but I feel like the things I plan out don’t always happen—just take one look at my last couple of posts, and this truth will become painfully obvious. There are certain events that are so easy for me to highlight off as accomplished, such as “5 a.m. Alter-G,” but there are others that I keep having to scribble out, like “finish paper for film class.” (That one finally got completed, though I originally had it written down weeks ago rather than just the night before it was due.) I don’t really like it when I have to scribble more than I highlight.

I remember when I was a little girl, I planned out a lot of things for far into the future that didn’t happen as I had hoped, either. For starters, I was supposed to be married by 22 and have my first kid by 24. I wanted to be a young, hip mom who had been married for at least two years. Needless to say, I took an alternative path in that regard. It is definitely for the best, though, because no child should have permanently been under my care when I was 24. They shouldn’t even be now.

I can plan our wedding all I want, but it will never be...

As for the getting married at 22, that was definitely wishful thinking. I recall each year in high school telling myself that I would have a boyfriend in the ensuing year. Never happened. Same story in college—each year, it was the following year that would have to be the “Year of Love.” Each year, I was left with the reality that I may never go on a date. After a while, I accepted it and truthfully just stopped hoping for that to happen altogether. In fact, I am perfectly content in knowing that I may be single forever. Sometimes, that’s just how people are supposed to live—just ask Paul (yes, the one in the Bible).

Many times, when we try to plan out things “perfectly” as they should go, it’s so easy to get caught up in our own little fantasy worlds and forget that our plans are actually pretty pathetic when we compare them to what God has in store for us. But, as humans, we don’t really see this (or care to see it) until we look back upon it later. I used to think it was so unfair that the guys I liked never liked me back. Now, I am so thankful they didn’t, because most of them turned out to be people I didn’t want to claim as my boyfriends, anyway.

I also planned to grow up and be famous on the big screens. Ever heard of the Academy Award winning actress Natalie Merrill? Didn’t think so. Again, those plans were thwarted. And, again, I am rather thankful for this. I can’t imagine living a life constantly in the spotlight—it’s really nice to have privacy when I need it.

I don’t know if you noticed this, but I’m also not an anchor for SportsCenter or a sideline reporter for the NFL. Nope, instead I educate the youth of our nation and try to help them become more efficient citizens before they step out into the real world. Yes, I teach high school. To be honest, it was something I always wanted to do, but it wasn’t what I thought I was supposed to do. I was convinced that it was the plan for me to become a sports reporter. I actually got this career off to a kick-start before realizing that it wasn’t where I actually belonged. I absolutely love sports, but the life of a reporter—and having to work insane hours and always being on-call—just isn’t quite the lifestyle for me. Plus, who doesn’t love summers off? :)

One of my coworkers makes fun of me for using a planner—“This is the 21st century,” he reminded me as he pointed to the calendar on his iPhone. I am well aware that my phone has its own digital planner outlined for me. But it’s more fun when I get to use the highlighter. Plus, as a writer, I enjoy writing things down and using something that’s more in book-form, anyway. Planners rock. Well, that kind of defeats the point of some of this blog entry, but I suppose that’s OK. I mean, it’s not how I originally planned it to go, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles today.

By no means am I trying to say that no one should ever make plans and try to follow through with them. There are plenty of people who are actually accurate when they map out their lives, like one of my friends growing up who always said she would be a doctor. Guess what she is now? (Although, I must say that her original practice isn’t consistent with what she thought it would be. She started off wanting to be a pediatrician, then an OB-GYN, but she is now a psychiatrist. Go figure.)

My main point is that we can set up our lives like plastic doll houses all we want, but it is God’s plan that is made of stone and will give you an actual lasting foundation. Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” I do believe that verse is pretty self-explanatory.

So, just because I can use my highlighter in my planner doesn’t mean that I will be doing so in all aspects of my life. In fact, it’s often better when I have to do some scribbling out and write in something new elsewhere.

After all, curve balls are sometimes the best ones to hit, anyway.