Deciding to decide

I really hate making decisions.

Especially when they seem like monumental life decisions.

Unfortunately, they are huge parts of our lives and something we must do on a daily basis. And I mean it when I say "unfortunately." For some reason, having to decide even the simplest things gives me anxiety.

I mean, I went to four different colleges because of my inability to be comfortable with my decision-making abilities. I started off at Texas A&M University then transferred to the University of North Texas during my second semester so that I could use that time to decide on where I was going to finish my education. But I found myself back at A&M my sophomore year, because I couldn't make up my mind on anywhere else, and I thought maybe I didn't give Aggieland a fair shot. I guess I thought wrong, because I transferred to Southern Methodist University to start my junior year. I liked it there, but I thought it would be fun to go to college with my sister, and she had just started at Texas Christian University, so I went there for the second semester of my junior year. And I hated every second of it. My mom had told me TCU had to be my last stop, but she felt sorry for me after seeing how miserable I was, so I returned to SMU to finish off such a lovely college experience.

In hindsight, I honestly could have been completely happy at A&M for all four years—if I had let myself be.

I think that's another thing about decisions: you not only get to choose some of your surroundings, but you also get to choose your attitude with each situation you face. I know there are some trials we face in life that we would never actually want, but we always get to choose how we respond to whatever life throws at us. My bad decision history obviously didn't dwindle much in college, as I didn't let myself find true joy in the places I should have.

Then there are those decisions that are more complicated than our attitudes—the ones that keep you up at night or cause you to make pros and cons lists when you would normally never do something so diligent.

Like one I recently had to make.

I think the important thing about making those decisions that seem so monumental is following God's will in your life—plus, prayer will give you much more guidance than any pros/cons list can. But I don't consider discernment one of my gifts, and I often question the big choices I make (obviously, seeing the history I've already recounted). I think, though, that deep in our hearts we really know what direction we are supposed to go or what roads we are supposed to take. After all, I think that when Ross is listening to Rachel's voicemail in the final episode of FRIENDS, before she walks in through the door and says, "I got off the plane," we all knew that she had chosen not to go to Paris and leave behind the person she was meant to be with for the rest of her life. She had a decision, and she let her heart make it for her.

And I think that's often the best way to go.

Rather than over-thinking outcomes and instances that may or may never happen, it's sometimes the better choice simply to let impulses take over. Trust me, they write songs about this stuff (and I'm not just talking about ones by Taylor Swift—if you don't believe me, listen to Casey James' "Crying on a Suitcase").

One nerve-racking thing about decisions is that they can often bring about significant change—and change can be quite scary. But it's helpful in these moments of fear to remember Hilary Duff's advice in her song "Why Not?": Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance? If you lose a moment, you might lose a lot, so why not? Why not?

I guess decisions don't have to be as complicated as I sometimes make them; taking chances doesn't have to be so intimidating; change doesn't have to seem so scary. Confidence in your choices will make them that much more enjoyable.

And maybe you, too, can one day walk through the door and say with passion in your heart, "I got off the plane."