I don't like making decisions, and I've reached another difficult one.
As previously mentioned, I'm on the injured reserve list right now, so I won't be running the Chicago Marathon as planned. It's killing me. Each day, my friends update their statuses on Facebook with how much mileage they did or how many days there are until the marathon, furthering the depressing feelings I get each time I see someone running or hear anyone mention it.
I die a little inside each time.
So, it's obvious I won't be able to run 26.2 miles in less than two weeks, seeing as how I can't even run any distance as of right now. I think a marathon would only ruin the healing that's already occurred on my wretched fracture. The decision, however, comes in whether or not I will still go on the trip to Chi-town. I've already paid for my flight and whatnot, and I would love to be supportive for all of my friends, but there is this little (or HUGE) selfish bug in me that doesn't want to go. I mean, how much pain do I really want to cause myself watching hundreds of people do the one thing I love doing the most but can't do for almost another month? How much pain do I want to cause myself for not being able to run a race for which I trained months and months, putting in hours of dedication and early mornings in the brutal Texas summer humidity and heat?
I would love to spend my birthday in Chicago with all of my wonderful friends, but I would also prefer not to be so self-pitiful on my birthday. I'm aware that I need a change of attitude, but I guess I never realized how sad it would make me not to be able to run—mainly because I never thought I would not be running. I had a dream last night in which I broke into a run, and it was one of the most amazing feelings. I woke up, and there were tears on my pillow that I hadn't even realize had leaked from my eyes.
I don't know what to do: I really want to be a good friend, but I also want to avoid furthering this slump. I think I know what I should do—I just hope I do the right thing.
2 comments:
Natty, go with your instinct, trust that you know what's best for you...
It isn't selfish to take care of yourself and do what's right for you. All your friends would agree, trust me.
We will all continue to love you no matter what you decide, as long as you're happy. XOXO
Hey there, read this on my phone and couldn't comment days ago.
As you talk about your wonderful friends.. remember why they are... because they care about you and want the best for you. You already tried going to Chicago and being on cruches was awful. If you were mobile, but just unable to run, that would be one thing.. but you are not.... then emotionally. You recall, I couldn't go to your 5K because it was just too hard to watch. I've gone to ones where I walked or events (tris) that are not my events anyway - but to watch YOUR race.. and for it to be the marathon you trained for. No one wants you to put yourself through that.
Hang in there and follow what is best for you. We love you!!
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