I took another nap under my desk again today.
It felt nice to escape from the world for a little bit and catch some rest. I think I take on way too many projects far too often. My problem is that I just want to help people. I usually offer help for something and then want to kick myself later because everything I have piled up is driving me into the ground. Then I feel guilty for getting aggravated about having to do the tasks I have previously agreed to do. It's a vicious cycle when you think about it.
So, why did I just take on two more projects for two of my co-workers? That's a really good question. I honestly have no idea. All I know is that I was so tired that I went to bed at 8:15 last night and then took a nap under my desk during m
y conference period.
And I am by no means a super emotional person, but all of this fatigue has had an effect on that. I can't tell you how many days I have almost broken down into tears over fairly dumb things. I haven't actually hit the point where tears fall, but it freaks me out how close I have gotten. After all, I hate crying. And I do mean I hate it.
Last Friday was the closest I came to the waterworks. It was the last class period of the day, and my class was being awful. So many of the kids were being disrespectful, and I ended up having to give out two detentions. They are the only two I have given out so far, and I really didn't want to have to do it. I had already been feeling like a horrible teacher all day, and that was just the cherry on top that said, "Oh, hey, by the way, you suck at your job! What were they thinking when they hired you?" I still ask myself that question almost on a daily basis, but hopefully that will change soon.
I have heard of first-year teachers getting into slumps and feeling rather worthless, and I would have to say I have hit that point. Each day, I have to pray that God will get me through it and that I would know what I am doing. The latter part is stressed pretty greatly. I want to make a difference in these kids' lives, but there are moments where I feel like they just don't give a crap about one syllable that is coming out of my mouth. Then there are those priceless moments where they say rude and vulgar things and think they can get away with it just because I am still young and not too much older than they are.
Don't get me wrong: I do love my job. I just wish it loved me back sometimes.
It felt nice to escape from the world for a little bit and catch some rest. I think I take on way too many projects far too often. My problem is that I just want to help people. I usually offer help for something and then want to kick myself later because everything I have piled up is driving me into the ground. Then I feel guilty for getting aggravated about having to do the tasks I have previously agreed to do. It's a vicious cycle when you think about it.
So, why did I just take on two more projects for two of my co-workers? That's a really good question. I honestly have no idea. All I know is that I was so tired that I went to bed at 8:15 last night and then took a nap under my desk during m
y conference period.And I am by no means a super emotional person, but all of this fatigue has had an effect on that. I can't tell you how many days I have almost broken down into tears over fairly dumb things. I haven't actually hit the point where tears fall, but it freaks me out how close I have gotten. After all, I hate crying. And I do mean I hate it.
Last Friday was the closest I came to the waterworks. It was the last class period of the day, and my class was being awful. So many of the kids were being disrespectful, and I ended up having to give out two detentions. They are the only two I have given out so far, and I really didn't want to have to do it. I had already been feeling like a horrible teacher all day, and that was just the cherry on top that said, "Oh, hey, by the way, you suck at your job! What were they thinking when they hired you?" I still ask myself that question almost on a daily basis, but hopefully that will change soon.
I have heard of first-year teachers getting into slumps and feeling rather worthless, and I would have to say I have hit that point. Each day, I have to pray that God will get me through it and that I would know what I am doing. The latter part is stressed pretty greatly. I want to make a difference in these kids' lives, but there are moments where I feel like they just don't give a crap about one syllable that is coming out of my mouth. Then there are those priceless moments where they say rude and vulgar things and think they can get away with it just because I am still young and not too much older than they are.
Don't get me wrong: I do love my job. I just wish it loved me back sometimes.
1 comment:
Bad Girl!
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