Risky business

It turns out I am both a daredevil and a pansy.

There are some aspects of my life where I am willing to take big risks. For instance, this morning when I was running, I crossed the street at a stoplight intersection when a cop might consider it jaywalking. Some cars to my right were actually going at a pretty fast speed, and I barely missed getting hit.

I do similar things when I'm driving all the time. I won't even debate for very long in my head if there is enough time to make it through an intersection—I just go for it.

Yesterday, one of my students was nervous about having to go get an interview with a coach and wanted to take a friend with her. I made her go all by herself, and she kept hesitating to leave the room and was practicing what she was going to say to him. I finally said something along the lines of, "It's like you keep dipping your toe in cold water, when really all you need to do is dive in there. So dive!"

In that moment, I started thinking to myself, "How often do I actually follow that advice? And when should I not?"

I feel like there are so many areas in my life where I am such a chicken and just way too afraid to take risks. For starters, there is the obvious scenario when I walk or run anywhere where there is the potential to see a fr**. Sometimes I will even run clear to the other side of a street if I see a bump or formation in the road that appears to be one. (Usually it's just a leaf or a rock, but that's beside the point.) I play it way cautiously.

For some reason, I'm the same way when it comes to guys. I remember this one time in high school when I was walking down an empty hall, and a guy I had a crush on was walking the opposite way toward me. I got really nervous and didn't know what to do. I wanted to avoid having to say "hi" or awkwardly walking past him without saying anything, so I did what I thought was the smartest thing: found the nearest escape route. I dodged into the first classroom I could, which happened to be a science class full of seniors (I was a sophomore at the time). The teacher was in the middle of giving a lecture, so everything stopped, and all eyes were on me. I just stood against the door and said, "It's OK—I will only be in here a few seconds." When I knew the boy was gone, I left the room and proceeded to my original destination.

Coward.

I take a lot of risks—not just in running and driving. But, there are just some parts of my life where I am worse than that wimpy lion in "The Wizard of Oz."

I think the bottom line is that it all comes down to trust. I have to be willing to leave it all in God's hands when I do take those big risks, because He's the one with the ultimate plan who will make whatever is supposed to happen actually happen.

Thank goodness for that—I definitely shouldn't be the one calling the shots!