MAYfulness

I survived my first TAKS experience.

I'm really not sure what else to say about that, and there are so many legalities involved with standardized testing, so I am just going to leave it at that. It is finished...well, for this year, anyway.

I'm watching the Rangers game right now. We had a 3-0 lead on the White Sox, but it's now tied at 3 in the bottom of the sixth inning. I always put faith in these guys, and there always seem to disappoint me. But, again, I am hopeful this season. Plus, if Ian Kinsler weren't married, I think we might have a future together. Too bad I missed out on that one.

Speaking of potential husbands, I plan on attending a lot of Rough Riders games this summer. It might be better to go for a minor league player, anyway. Although, I really don't know if I would ever date a baseball player, because I would constantly have a hidden fear that he was doing steroids, so maybe I will just scratch that idea altogether. But I still plan on attending those games.

I did a 5k last weekend, and I was very displeased with my performance, so I think I'm going to do another one next Saturday (not tomorrow). I need to redeem myself, and I love racing.

I can't decide if it's normal that it's a Friday night, barely after 8:30, and my eyelids are becoming very heavy and very droopy. I guess it's something that comes with being a first-year teacher.

Wow, Ian Kinsler just made ANOTHER infield error. Good thing that relationship didn't work out. That was just plain awful. And Derek Holland was just called for a balk. Here we go again, Rangers. Here we go. (On a side note, I must give props to Holland for having the same birthday as me.)

Happy Friday!

Stay dry

This just in: it's wet out there.

Wow, that rain sure is coming down. I suppose we needed it, but rain has plagued this area the last few days, and it's in the forecast for almost the next week, as well. I really don't like being this wet!

The good news is that the warmer weather has arrived, and we are no longer suffering those blistering cold temperatures that make walking from the door to the car a pain in the tush. Sure, those northerners will make fun of how ridiculous I am when it comes to bundling up for temperatures below 50 degrees, but I am OK with that. I have accepted the fact that, being from Texas, my teeth start to chatter just thinking about weather that induces big jackets. And, let's face it, I will need a jacket if it is anywhere below 60 degrees out there. I mean, I save more money in the summer when I don't have to use as much electricity (no, I never turn on the A/C at my apartment), compared to in the winter when I have to turn on the heater.

God bless the summer.

I can't wait for temperatures that make my teeth sweat. I can't wait for lying out in the beautiful sun by the pool. I can't wait for running without a shirt. I can't wait for sleeping a little later. I can't wait for laziness.

I can't wait for summer.

I'm even thinking about treating myself to a mini-vacation of some sort, but we will see how that goes. After all, I need to save as much money as I can for December, when I am taking my little sister to the Bahamas to celebrate her college graduation. That will definitely be a nice time to get away from the cold for a bit.

As for now, I guess we will just have to deal with this water world for a few more days. Thank you, Egyptians and Connecticut.

Pancrea...what?

So, it turns out that my pancreas is a complete failure.

I found out that I have chronic pancreatitis. What's this mean? Basically, my pancreas is dysfunctional, and enzymes break things down in my pancreas before they are released, causing nutrients to be lost completely. Normally this is caused by excessive alcohol intake, but I have never touched the stuff, so that's not it. It's also caused by a diet high in fat, but that's not really the problem with me, either. I am pretty much just one of those rare cases that the doctors can't really explain.

Awesome.

I usually stay away from doctors, but the relentless pain that kept occurring finally drove me to an office one day after work. It had just become too much, and I didn't want to end up in the hospital again and have an experience similar to those five miserable days my sophomore year of college (another story for another day, I suppose). So, I caved.

The diagnosis: chronic pancreatitis (a.k.a. a lifetime of pain and pills). This is not only an issue because it sucks to have a condition like this for the rest of your life, but I have trouble swallowing pills. And I don't just mean trouble in the minor sense; this is a HUGE deal.

I can't swallow pills with water or milk. I need juice or Gatorade of some kind, and it normally takes me more than one try. Sudafed (one of the smallest pills known to man) even has trouble making it past the middle of my tongue, so the fact that my pancreatin pills are the size of a golf tee on steroids (could be a slight exaggeration, though I highly doubt it) really doesn't make matters much better.

And the worst part: the pills have to be taken every single time food goes into my mouth. I'm not just talking meals—snacks, too.

I suppose things could be worse. After all, it is TAKS week.

At least the Mavs beat the hated Spurs last night, and we are on to the second round of the playoffs!

Learning to Breathe

I'd have to say I get this from my dad, but I'm definitely not the most patient person in the world.

Like many people in the world, especially in this country, I don't like to wait long for things. I prefer to get them finished and out of the way so that I can move on to the next task. And I guess I expect others to act in the same manner, which can get frustrating when they don't, causing me to have to wait. Selfish? Yes. But is it the reality? Indeed.

That's one thing that made me somewhat nervous about becoming a teacher. Teachers definitely have to have patience, regardless of what age range of students they have. So, for me, I knew high schoolers were going to be a challenge.

And they surely didn't disappoint.

But the good thing is that I have learned patience and deeper trust in God during this process. I sometimes shock myself with how patient I can be with these teens. I am not trying to brag by any means; I am just thankful for the grace the Lord has bestowed upon me by teaching me lessons in waiting and remaining calm.

In fact, it has helped in other areas of my life, as well. I find myself in many situations where, in the past, I would have nearly gone mad waiting for certain things to happen. But now it's easier for me to sit back and relax as new challenges come my way. Like Anna Nalick advised, just breathe.

Because sometimes those breaths of calming air are what help me cope through the most stressful of days.

On a side note, this warm weather rocks!

And runnin', runnin'

Surprisingly, I'm not sore today.

Yesterday, I did a speed workout on the track for the first time in a really long time. And I mean a really long time. I even did it after school, when my energy is normally next to nothing.

But, somehow, I was fine.

I decided to do repeat 400s, and I was seriously nervous that my times were going to be ridiculously slow. But they weren't. In fact, they were a little better than the times I ran for repeats when I was in high school and college.

I'm not trying to brag, it's just certainly something I wasn't expecting. In fact, after the first one, I was sure that my times would start getting worse each lap and that I had just gone out too fast. To my almost complete shock, my times actually got better each lap. And, trust me, this is definitely the boost I needed, because it had been a long and draining day.

After I finished the speed work, I went for a run around the neighborhoods near the track and just basked in the sunshine and beauty all around me. I love running so much that I sometimes have trouble putting it into words.

I really want to start racing more, too. I've just because so busy and exhausted, and, let's face it, races aren't exactly free. But I really miss the feeling of catching people and striving to reach a certain clock time when I cross the finish line. I miss knowing that I am in the lead and need to maintain (or pick up) my pace if I want to add another victory. I miss crossing the line and feeling like I had given every ounce of energy I had, but I still want to run more. I want to get back into this.

Whether it's running or something else, I think it's important to have a passion or something that brings you true joy. If I didn't have running in my life, I might need some padded walls. It's just too easy to get caught up in work and the constant stresses of this world, and I love that running can allow me to escape for a brief moment in time—allow me to clear my head and be with my Lord while I relish in his creation.

Maybe that's one reason why I'm not sore today: I just love it too much.

Prelude to a Muddy Mess

Wow, there are some days when I really need nap time.

Yes, today would definitely be one of those days. At least it's Friday, right?

I stayed up somewhat late last night watching the NCAA Tournament. Of course, the night ended in a rather disappointing fashion as both Duke and Memphis lost. I didn't have either of them winning the championship, but it still screwed up my bracket quite a bit. I don't have any money on this, but it's more of a pride thing. Brackets can be sacred.

It's also the first week back to work after having an entire week off for Spring Break. And it's March. Just a little more than two months...

This weekend is going to be out-of-the-ordinary and probably pretty challenging. I am participating in the Marine Mud Run in Fort Worth. I've been trying to do more push-ups and things to work on my upper-body strength, but we shall see how this goes. To make things more difficult, I think it's supposed to be cold on Sunday morning. I'm not sure how I feel about drenching myself in cold mud, but I'm certain that it won't be the most pleasant thing in the world.

So why I am doing this? Good question.

Life has been rather confusing lately, and I wish I could find some complacency. I know it's not always good to be complacent, but I guess I just don't want to be going at a million miles an hour every second of my life. It would also be nice to know if I really am where I'm supposed to be and if this is where I am supposed to stay.

Sometimes I just feel like I over-commit myself, and then I get too far into things to be able to get out easily. This becomes a big problem when I volunteer to do so many things, because then you have people relying on you. If you opt out, you aren't just affecting yourself. You could be screwing up a lot of things for a lot of people.

I was remembering back to elementary school when my biggest concerns were how I would do in my weekend soccer game or whether or not my mom would let my best friend sleep over on Friday night. When did things get so complicated?

Oh, yeah. When I became an adult.

I'm not so sure it's all it's cracked up to be.

Looking back, this is a rather negative outlook I'm portraying, so I think I will cash in for the moment.

At least it's Friday, right?

I'm that kid who killed the curve...

I never thought I would say this, but I really miss being in school.

Yes, I am at school every day, but it's different when you are the one teaching. I am aware of how nerdy it sounds, but I miss having papers to write and assignments to read. I want to go back to being a student.

I've been thinking a lot about grad school lately, and I have to admit that I regret not going for my Master's straight out of college. I just had this ideal picture of myself being some kick-butt sports reporter, but I found out that wasn't exactly the dream life I had painted in my head. I'm glad I did it, because I always would have wondered what it would have been like, but now there is a part of me craving the graduate life.

I am definitely considering it now, but the idea of accruing more debt than I already have is a haunting black cloud hovering over my head. I've done the math, and I will be making monthly payments for the next (insert ridiculously high number) years. I'm not sure how badly I would like to add to that.

There are just so many things I want to do in life: get my novel published, run the Boston Marathon, get my Master's...the list goes on. I think another reason I didn't get this degree immediately was because so many people kept telling me I should. As usual, I had to be stubborn. You would think I would have learned by now that that normally doesn't get me too far.

My mom is currently trying to get into the doctoral program at UNT. I admire her so much for all she has accomplished, but I don't want to wait as long as she did to further my education. I would rather do it now. I crave learning; I love learning, and I am not so sure I am really that good at helping people learn. That was always my biggest fear going into teaching: learning things always came so easily to me. So, how effective can I really be at making sure others grasp the material? Maybe my real place is in the chair, not at the podium.

Perhaps I am just really tired right now, but one thing is for sure: I will get that degree. It makes me sickeningly excited thinking about writing more term papers and developing a thesis. Is it weird that I want to take the GRE?

Spring Break is now officially less than a week away. Praise God.